Reality in Life & getting old😂 (part 2)

Let's continue from my last post, 😁.

Yeah..my life really has turned upside down after got married & having a daughter. I feel like I become someone else that I never know before. I'm not being "ME". I can't do all of my hobbies, don't have time to sit down & read a book, don't even have a single idea at all to write (back then I wrote several story myself coz I love to write so much. When I re-read my book before, I amazed with how much I have a lot of creativity back then *sigh*), don't have a desire to sew & draw and the thing that shocked me the most is I seldom listening music & sing to my heart content anymore 😢.

I changed a lot... I desperately pray to God for helping and make me more stronger. More importantly, for making me back to my oldself but I realized that is impossible... Sounds so bad indeed LOL. Reality is harsh. I already warned you😎

Okay, let's stop here before my post become more negative & full of sorrow😂. Everyone say we must look everything from both side, right? So let's see the good part from being married (Okay, anyone who want to get married soon, you can feel relive and your dream of happiness in marriage life can come true!). After got married, you have "an alarm" that will save you from loneliness. Don't get wrong, sometimes you can still feel lonely eventhough you already married coz of several reason BUT, from my experience, that "alarm" always save me from loneliness. That "alarm" is the feeling that your husband & your child (for me) will be there for you no matter what happen. For example, I always feel insecure & afraid of loneliness (despite I don't bother for being alone) but when I came home and met my husband & my child, my loneliness is disapeared. You get it now, right? The feeling that you're not alone in this world. Something like that.

A simple happiness from being together with your family is priceless! Their smiles, their cares for you, make you feel grateful & thankful to God. Spend the day with them is special. Your memories with them become so precious 'till you're afraid that someday it will stop. Being with your family, make you feel afraid of getting old and die. I never afraid of death before and getting old is like a natural part of life. I never hesitate to say my real age when someone asked me. But after having a child, make me a little afraid of death somehow....Now, you can sharing everything with your own family. You have someone beside you to spend your life with. Sounds so perfect, right? Yes, when you don't include life and reality there.

Back to my life, despite all of happiness I received, reality balances my life to make it more colourful eventhough I hate it so much. Nowadays, I never make any long goals in my life. I try to live my life day by day without pushing myself too much. I ain't getting anything good from doing like that. I realized that time sure flies so quick and I must enjoy most of it fully. Not LATER but NOW. Back then, I was so stricted to myself. I must do this and that, become this and that. In reality, when you die, you won't take it to your grave. Your title, your wealth become meaningless. What's important to me is my family. I'm getting older is certain but my happiness is made by me, not who I am. I still feel tired, overlystress, sad but I give in to all of that. I still hate how a humanbeing can be more bad than animal nowadays. Hope everything gonna be alright and I can repair my relationship with God day by day...  *pray*