I think It's a great improvement if I can post in my blog more rutine but yeah, time *thinkhard*, time, time LOL. I need more time and no more drama in my life please. I don't know. Nowadays, my heart kind of "turn off" somehow. Sometimes, I don't feel anything because I was too tired of everything.. *playingmichaelbubble'shomeonbackground*
It's a pity when my mind was back to my old days and thought about how creative, imaginative I was, back then. Not a single thought before that I could be like this after got married. One of my regret for sure. I wish I can open my drawer and turn back to my teenager days (doraemon where are you? T_T). But yeah, LIFE still goes on.... Just can put all of my heart's pieces back, locked up inside and shut down for ~don't know how long it will takes~.
Overall, my life still good enough (Just don't think about in laws, coworkers & husband). Career is ok, enough. My daughter is my precious treasure. My family still my priority. Money isn't my number one. Relationship with God still in a healing process. So good so far. Pray the best so there is no more drama in my life. Focus on my purpose of life. Funny to think that I WAS happy to learn about human but come to hate human myself now (eventhough, I'm a human too LoL)
Will try my best to not overly thinking about everything. Wish me luck!!
Devil beside you....
Yup, after I tried for being positive, enjoy my life bla bla bla. Something HAPPENED and hit me HARD. Not enough to just feel grateful and thankful for everything. My husband was having an affair. Yeah, like what we saw on the news, celebrity's gossips. Yes, he did that (even still just texting coz I already found it. On the way to meet with all of that bitches) and to make it worse, he texted with several woman outhere. Eventhough, he said "love" everyday. So eager to take part in several services at church, he still DID it. This reality in married life finally came to me and yes, I cried a lot and hurt all over my body (don't mention my heart). All of this time, we happily being active in church doesn't mean anything to him beside his egoist & selfishness. Like usual, everything happens and he blamed for my weakness. I nearly want to get divorce with him and take my daughter with me. No, I still think about God but why He LET all of this happen? NOT SURE...
After being married, I felt like I became such a bad woman who will scream or heartless without no reason. Look here, I didn't want to make everything become negative but this reality INDEED negative. How much effort I try to look at the brighter side but nowhere to look. There is no positive thing here beside my daughter...
I can't even forgotten all of his text to that bitches for sure and will took a long long time to forgive him BUT he act like nothing happened after talked this with our senior in church. Damn him, for feel so clean after doing that and search for my fault in every moment. I warned him enough if he happen (and brave enough) to do it again, I will be there to wreck his life 'till the dust. And I don't care if I don't have husband anymore. I don't have any desire to add more bad guy to my life. My life is bad enough after got married. And don't want to walk to the same path if this failed.
Really, life...👏👏. You are the best for making me ride a rollercoaster😡.
Now I don't know what I feel... Flat indeed and want to have a long holiday myself or with my baby....
