Passed Valentine's event, It's back to my daily life and busy with my work & my activities like usual. There wasn't any special thing. But lately (especially yesterday), my stressful overcomes everything in my heart.Yeah, I cried to my heart content last night and didn't understand why everything must come like this. When I tried to do my best with the best effort I had, my boss disappoint me... I did everything she told me and she "reward" me with a sentence "She didn't understand anything" to my Big Boss. Damn... （▼へ▼メ）
I just "What the f*ck!?" when I received a message from her about what Big boss said for me. How can she did that unfair act to me? I know a world isn't fair but....(━┳━ _ ━┳━). That made me thinking about my job seriously last night. For the first time in my life, I said "I don't want to be Accounting" from my mouth when my bf asked me what's wrong. I realized it for a long time that I'm not suitable for this job but I kept try and try and try to make my parents happy.
This matter made me stress above my limit. I don't know anymore what I must do. For now, I still cann't do anything about this. Sometimes, we must let it flow and relax ourself for a while. I choose to "not think" about anything now. I don't know what my real happiness and feel empty. I feel grateful with everything I had. I really am. But at the same time, I cann't smile naturally like b4. It's like my happy face was hidden somewhere inside my heart. It's a scary thing when u don't know what way of life u must choose while times still running, left u behind.
Feel that u still alive... Happiness in ur heart... Peaceful environment around u..., How can I get that? Where?.. I search something that simple but hard to get... I feel desperate.. Half of my heart keep telling me that I must be positive, optimis and keep move forward but the other side, feel so hopeless, so weak and telling me to give up every single dream that I had b4. That's like I keep fighting with my own self. Still, there is no win or lose. In the middle of my struggle, I try to focus on learn something to make my life better.
On March 18th, my bf will celebrate his birthday, I already decided that I will give my handmade~felt~biscuits as a presents. The example like this:
It's cute right?? Just like the real biscuits. So I try to make that myself. I hope I can make it like the pic *pray*.
Before
that day, I have a several appointment with my friends from March 2nd -
11th. So I try to cheer up myself with that events. It's good to feel
that u're not alone at all (Thank u my friends! Lov u all ♡＾▽＾♡).
Ganbatte neeee!! (ง'̀☐'́)ง
