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The thing that I scared until now...

Now, I'm listening Can't Help But wait by Trey songz ft plies and that song still scared me somehow. Not because that song but the memories behind that song. I just realize that this song still scared me to the death unfortunately even I like this song very much... So much, until I can listening this song all day! How ironic... When I hear this song, that's like something that I don't want to remember, will be re-opened again, againts my will though.
I remember that at 'that time' I listen this song with a broken heart, desperate mind and worries at my heart. I had a hard time back then with uncertain feeling, uncertain status. Even now (after I use this song for my bf ringtone), It still scared me.... I don't know why.. This like some kind of trauma... I hate to be like this... I hope everything will be over soon and makes me don't feel about anything anymore.... I'm sick of every  this melancholic things, T____T

The weirdness of world or maybe the weirdness of human?..

A world really weird sometimes... Everyone seek for happiness in everywhere, everytime they have. When they still don't have it, they said, 'When I will find my true happiness?'. But when they already have it, they said, 'Is this real?.. Or I still at somewhere, dreaming about this?..'. Everything looks so wrong... so weird.. There is no end for satisfaction... Everyone seem has unlimited desire to be satisfied... 
So weird... Is this why we called 'Human'?...

Bad day.... T____T

Today is a bad day for me. I just hear from my friend that there is a concert named "Twilite Orchestra~Cantabile!" on Jan 27th in Balai Sarbini. I'm really excited to hear this. Just imagine, there is rachmaninoff, bethoven, etude, and etc. "OMG!! I really must get this ticket for sure!!", that's what I thought before I called Ticket Hotline. When I called them, They said every ticket already sold!! *burst to tears* T_____T.

How can this happen??... Huu... I feel like I want to cry...

It's ended........

Finally, yesterday that person sent me a message. That's why I thought that everything already really-really over between me and that person. I hope that person have a full of happiness like that person wish for me too. I know I still have a little feeling for that person before. But after yesterday message, that feeling is vanished. More exactly like I don't have any feeling at all in my heart. My heart become so empty and there is nothing in there. I hope this is the best way. I don't want to think or feel anymore.... I stop my mind at some point that I won't care about love matters again. I will through my life with the way that my God choose for me...
So, everything already over between me and....... Sayonara...

Today's opinion...

Today, I realize something. I hear what my mom said and think about it. Maybe there is still no sign of peace in my heart. Is that because I getting away or something?..... I don't know the answer though. So, I just made up my mind and want to get more closer to my God. I want to begin everything again from the start. Like my plan about learn something, try to do more my hobbies, give more love for the people I love and etc. I'm not a perfect person (Hmm.. sounds like the song from Hoobastank, ha3x) but I will try my best to do this. Ganbatte ne, glen!! \(^v^)/

Today's realization...

Today, somehow I realize something... I know that lately I have been down...down...and down... I trapped in a dark mind (about loneliness, dissappointment, etc) of mine and I feel like there is no way out. But, the truth is I think I don't have any problem at all! I just created some problem in my own ways of thinking. I feel unsecure without any reason at all. Is that mean I'm getting crazy? Wew, I talk like I lost my mind. Some time ago, I read about some writer's (that I like) biography and they died because of their loneliness, delusional things, some stress and so on...
That makes me think, Am I the same with them?... I, myself, is a writer too even I'm not famous like them. But I just think, maybe I have the same symtom with them, Am I?. The craziest thing I could said to myself in this year, :P. I hope that's not true... Now, My strength just only my God. He is the one who keep me normal and far away from the word, 'crazy'. Or I have problem with my own personality, I don't know, (-___-). But I will try to through this life, my life with a good way of life and do my hobbies, :)

Today's feeling....

Today I feel so weird... I feel like there is a ton of 'burden' in my heart. That makes me feel so heavy. I'm not happy nor sad. I just like a doll without any feeling. I don't understand why this must be happen. In this time especially, when I already have a peaceful days after I close my fb or not socialize with other people. I just throgh every day with a smile and empty head (don't think or mind about anything).
But now, everything like go wrong. I don't have any desire to do or talk with other people, instead of him. I feel like I want to puke. I'm tired of everything, I just want to sleep for a long time without any obstacles. I want to sleep.... and don't want to wake up....