Yup, after I tried for being positive, enjoy my life bla bla bla. Something HAPPENED and hit me HARD. Not enough to just feel grateful and thankful for everything. My husband was having an affair. Yeah, like what we saw on the news, celebrity's gossips. Yes, he did that (even still just texting coz I already found it. On the way to meet with all of that bitches) and to make it worse, he texted with several woman outhere. Eventhough, he said "love" everyday. So eager to take part in several services at church, he still DID it. This reality in married life finally came to me and yes, I cried a lot and hurt all over my body (don't mention my heart). All of this time, we happily being active in church doesn't mean anything to him beside his egoist & selfishness. Like usual, everything happens and he blamed for my weakness. I nearly want to get divorce with him and take my daughter with me. No, I still think about God but why He LET all of this happen? NOT SURE...
After being married, I felt like I became such a bad woman who will scream or heartless without no reason. Look here, I didn't want to make everything become negative but this reality INDEED negative. How much effort I try to look at the brighter side but nowhere to look. There is no positive thing here beside my daughter...
I can't even forgotten all of his text to that bitches for sure and will took a long long time to forgive him BUT he act like nothing happened after talked this with our senior in church. Damn him, for feel so clean after doing that and search for my fault in every moment. I warned him enough if he happen (and brave enough) to do it again, I will be there to wreck his life 'till the dust. And I don't care if I don't have husband anymore. I don't have any desire to add more bad guy to my life. My life is bad enough after got married. And don't want to walk to the same path if this failed.
Really, life...👏👏. You are the best for making me ride a rollercoaster😡.
Now I don't know what I feel... Flat indeed and want to have a long holiday myself or with my baby....
Showing posts with label Sad moment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sad moment. Show all posts
Devil beside you....
My Biggest Effort to through this week! ლ(ಠ_ಠლ)
At my last post, I already said that I will try to feel grateful
everyday & give the best smile for everyone. But yeah, Life is full
of surprise & I began to pushed myself to the end to through this
week! It was began with my job. I came to my office with my truly &
big smile (It's not weird for the others coz I usually smile to them) 
.
I was happy with my job. It's hard but I love to learn something new
& proud with it if I can finish it without any problem. But this
matter, so far from I imagine. Somehow, I was responsible for something
that didn't included in my job desk. Yes, I had been asked by VP to
help him & happy to help but after I finished it, He kept calling me
to help him eventhough I had my own work to do. And it's hell a lot
than what he asked me to help. To make it short, finally I refused to
help coz I had my own responsibility to do.
Guess what? As stubborn as he is, he still called me to help him. So in the end, I did two works at the same time. In my heart, I always said so many times, "Don't worry. U can do it! If He gives that to u, that means u can do it"
.
Buuuuuuuuuuut, that's reality for u. I got depressed day by day until I
felt so stressed. And It's harder for me to smile everyday, I try it,
still! In the end, I got this feeling told me, "why must u lied to urself? Smiling when u want to crying? That's sad..."
. But yeah, me with stubborn~didn't want to get weak~mind, kept trying so hard to fullfil my promise *stupid me*.
Until (yeah like father like daughter), I had a fight with my dad just because I want the best for him. I love my fam so much. I want they always bless with happiness. He thought that I never understand him. His health was weaken & I try to make him life as healthy as he can but he didn't care about that. Even he ate some dish that was forbidden for him. How must I react about that? Especially after I stressed so much from my job, came home to rest & found him like that. Like a volcano ready to erupt!
. I feel sad, dissappointed & angry.
And yeah (like there is no end for me), I got another problem from my bf. He made me feel so dissappointed. Oh God... at that time, I forgot my promise completely. Really, I just went to my room, cried in the silence until my tears was dry & asked to myself why this thing must happen when I tried so hard. After that, I sat at my bed. Blanked completely in mind, staring to nowhere & didn't have any appetite at all! *shoot!*. I felt so damn useless then got sicked for a day. Doctor said my blood pressure got so low & something wrong with my gastric. I got one day long to rest beside think, think & think. I asked to my God why even my simple wish cann't be true. I asked myself, "am I going to lose?". Really, "heart broken" from ur beloved people was hard to heal. It needs 1 day long for me to stand up & decided to try my best (again!
).
God always loves "His children" so He gives help with His own way. I tried to back to my promise again. I left my problems behind & hang out with my best girlfriends. And like, the door opened itself, my bf picked me up to settle our problem (eventually, he said he didn't think about our problem & picked me up to had a nice dinner together. He was worried when I was sicked & want to make me eat happily. That's why he took me to this nice Japanese restaurant
.Thank u so much my dear). So I'm happy again! 
Yeah, maybe later I will meet the same problem or maybe more bad or nothing will happen? I don't know. I just through my life day by day & kept told myself to be grateful, hehe. Enough with my rumble (maybe :p), I will give u guys this delicious food pic which made me fly to heaven in a second! :3. See u guys next time!
.
I was happy with my job. It's hard but I love to learn something new
& proud with it if I can finish it without any problem. But this
matter, so far from I imagine. Somehow, I was responsible for something
that didn't included in my job desk. Yes, I had been asked by VP to
help him & happy to help but after I finished it, He kept calling me
to help him eventhough I had my own work to do. And it's hell a lot
than what he asked me to help. To make it short, finally I refused to
help coz I had my own responsibility to do.Guess what? As stubborn as he is, he still called me to help him. So in the end, I did two works at the same time. In my heart, I always said so many times, "Don't worry. U can do it! If He gives that to u, that means u can do it"
.
Buuuuuuuuuuut, that's reality for u. I got depressed day by day until I
felt so stressed. And It's harder for me to smile everyday, I try it,
still! In the end, I got this feeling told me, "why must u lied to urself? Smiling when u want to crying? That's sad...". But yeah, me with stubborn~didn't want to get weak~mind, kept trying so hard to fullfil my promise *stupid me*.Until (yeah like father like daughter), I had a fight with my dad just because I want the best for him. I love my fam so much. I want they always bless with happiness. He thought that I never understand him. His health was weaken & I try to make him life as healthy as he can but he didn't care about that. Even he ate some dish that was forbidden for him. How must I react about that? Especially after I stressed so much from my job, came home to rest & found him like that. Like a volcano ready to erupt!
. I feel sad, dissappointed & angry.And yeah (like there is no end for me), I got another problem from my bf. He made me feel so dissappointed. Oh God... at that time, I forgot my promise completely. Really, I just went to my room, cried in the silence until my tears was dry & asked to myself why this thing must happen when I tried so hard. After that, I sat at my bed. Blanked completely in mind, staring to nowhere & didn't have any appetite at all! *shoot!*. I felt so damn useless then got sicked for a day. Doctor said my blood pressure got so low & something wrong with my gastric. I got one day long to rest beside think, think & think. I asked to my God why even my simple wish cann't be true. I asked myself, "am I going to lose?". Really, "heart broken" from ur beloved people was hard to heal. It needs 1 day long for me to stand up & decided to try my best (again!
).God always loves "His children" so He gives help with His own way. I tried to back to my promise again. I left my problems behind & hang out with my best girlfriends. And like, the door opened itself, my bf picked me up to settle our problem (eventually, he said he didn't think about our problem & picked me up to had a nice dinner together. He was worried when I was sicked & want to make me eat happily. That's why he took me to this nice Japanese restaurant
.Thank u so much my dear). So I'm happy again! Yeah, maybe later I will meet the same problem or maybe more bad or nothing will happen? I don't know. I just through my life day by day & kept told myself to be grateful, hehe. Enough with my rumble (maybe :p), I will give u guys this delicious food pic which made me fly to heaven in a second! :3. See u guys next time!
Sad moment...... (╥_╥) & my regret......
Yeah, like the title above, this time is the saddest moment in this
year.. My plan, my hope, my courage was disappeared just with one
sentence from my bos... She said that our company will be close at the
end of this month, ( p_q). Back to my last post, I got so excited about
my plan, outside my main job and with this, I feel like "what the fuck
with this!!???". But more important than that, I feel like a stupid
person who got lied by my boss. How can I become a stupid kid and let
her fool me with her sweet promises???
Especially, when she said that, I just blank, don't say anything (don't know whether I stupid, confuse or something). MY brain denied it several times but that's the reality. It hurt so much.. So many question comes to my mind... How can I live after this?... How can I paid my lil' sister's school fee?? How to paid my fam's life expense?..Why this thing must happen to me?... I always did my best in every job that I have for my fam, my life & my dreams. But why??... World is so unfair!! (ಥ_ಥ). There is a lot of people outhere who rich and use their money everyday just for fun. And here, when someone did their best to make their life better, why must end like this?.....
Yeah, this is my fault.... My fault for being stupid and trust her promise naively. And now, she already had her new position at her new workplace, GREAT!! Even, her bestfriend got a new job directly with her link eventhough, we are THE ONE who got a promise from her. Yeah we are stupid! щ(ಠ益ಠщ). And now, she happilly set her profile pic with her smile face... I don't know what to comment anymore... Coz of her, I lost my job, quit my piano course & don't know how to face my fam, ((T.T； ). I feel so useless and don't know how to trust people anymore... I kept trying my best in everything and this is what I get (I feel like every motivator in this world laugh at me).
A few hours ago, I chat with my coworker. He & I at the same boat, He told me that he cried quietly in the bathroom so his parents didn't know about it. I really2 feel sorry for him, especially when I know his mom was being sick all of this time (for me, that was my dad). I said it's ok to cry at this time eventhough he is a man. "It's heavy for us... Me too, just cry quietly at my room so my parents didn't hear that. Why must this happen to us? We didn't do any mistake at all!", I said. Nowadays, so hard to get a job with good salary, good environment & medical allowance. I just can stare blankly at every job vacancy in front of me. I'm afraid that I will take the wrong decision again like before.... "High paid = Overload job with a lot of overtime", I don't want to lose my special time with my fam, don't want to become a robot with no feelings beside "tired, I must sleep....", don't want to make money as my God...
For now, I don't know the answer.. I just can pray and hope that this will pass....
Especially, when she said that, I just blank, don't say anything (don't know whether I stupid, confuse or something). MY brain denied it several times but that's the reality. It hurt so much.. So many question comes to my mind... How can I live after this?... How can I paid my lil' sister's school fee?? How to paid my fam's life expense?..Why this thing must happen to me?... I always did my best in every job that I have for my fam, my life & my dreams. But why??... World is so unfair!! (ಥ_ಥ). There is a lot of people outhere who rich and use their money everyday just for fun. And here, when someone did their best to make their life better, why must end like this?.....
Yeah, this is my fault.... My fault for being stupid and trust her promise naively. And now, she already had her new position at her new workplace, GREAT!! Even, her bestfriend got a new job directly with her link eventhough, we are THE ONE who got a promise from her. Yeah we are stupid! щ(ಠ益ಠщ). And now, she happilly set her profile pic with her smile face... I don't know what to comment anymore... Coz of her, I lost my job, quit my piano course & don't know how to face my fam, ((T.T； ). I feel so useless and don't know how to trust people anymore... I kept trying my best in everything and this is what I get (I feel like every motivator in this world laugh at me).
A few hours ago, I chat with my coworker. He & I at the same boat, He told me that he cried quietly in the bathroom so his parents didn't know about it. I really2 feel sorry for him, especially when I know his mom was being sick all of this time (for me, that was my dad). I said it's ok to cry at this time eventhough he is a man. "It's heavy for us... Me too, just cry quietly at my room so my parents didn't hear that. Why must this happen to us? We didn't do any mistake at all!", I said. Nowadays, so hard to get a job with good salary, good environment & medical allowance. I just can stare blankly at every job vacancy in front of me. I'm afraid that I will take the wrong decision again like before.... "High paid = Overload job with a lot of overtime", I don't want to lose my special time with my fam, don't want to become a robot with no feelings beside "tired, I must sleep....", don't want to make money as my God...
For now, I don't know the answer.. I just can pray and hope that this will pass....
