Happy time with my cute HijiGin Shimeji! (‘∀’●)♥

Yup-yup, there is no new event in my life. Just a little happy time with my cute~shimeji (desktop buddies (｡♥‿♥｡) ). Sometimes, I get really stress coz of my job (especially my bad boss, :p ). That's why I keep add everything that can make me happy at my office day by day. I have a cute pillow, a lot of snacks in my drawer, a lot of musics, movies anddddd this cute shimeji 〜(^∇^〜）.

My cute HijiGin Shimeji!! Kyaaa!

I keep smiling, smiling andddd smilingggg when I see them walking, sitting cutely or laying, (❁´◡`❁)*✲ﾟ*. Oh God, I want to hav a real pets like them! XD

Enjoying My Life! °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

Finally, I have time to sit peacefully on my chair & post something, (☆^ー^☆). On these past few weeks, there was nothing special happen in my life except my bf's birthday. Like what I said before, I made a handmade biscuits fo him and fortunately, he received it without said anything beside "please, make me a handmade bear"  Σ(▼□▼メ).  So it means my "work list" increase again, waks! But that's ok, I want to be active and productive again as much as I can *try to be positive will u? hehe*. I decided to continue my writing time as well so I can Increase my passion in life!
Don't misunderstand, my life didn't become easier. I just try to change my point of view in Life. Problems still coming, especially at my office with bad boss like her. But I choose to never mind it and enjoy my life, (｡◕‿◕｡). Yesterday afternoon, I with my lovely & my lil' sister made a shabu-shabu (it called Nabe in Japan). At first, my lovely sis said "I don't want to eat that" and I just "Ok". But after she smell it, she changed her mind and eat together with us ┌(・。・)┘♪. She kept said "delicious!". Really, I feel happy, peaceful and thankful to God for that precious time even just with a simple dinner, :D.
I don't care if  my boss stress out, scream herself or something, just become crazy with urself. It's her business. I will do my work with my best and enjoy my life at the same time. It's not worthed to be stress coz of her. I won't become like what she told me, the one who being hated by everyone at office. So I'll keep enjoying my Life as much as I can! ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

Life make us confused sometimes.. ┐(￣ー￣)┌

Passed Valentine's event, It's back to my daily life and busy with my work & my activities like usual. There wasn't any special thing. But lately (especially yesterday), my stressful overcomes everything in my heart.Yeah, I cried to my heart content last night and didn't understand why everything must come like this. When I tried to do my best with the best effort I had, my boss disappoint me... I did everything she told me and she "reward" me with a sentence "She didn't understand anything" to my Big Boss. Damn... （▼へ▼メ）

I just "What the f*ck!?" when I received a message from her about what Big boss said for me. How can she did that unfair act to me? I know a world isn't fair but....(━┳━ _ ━┳━). That made me thinking about my job seriously last night. For the first time in my life, I said "I don't want to be Accounting" from my mouth when my bf asked me what's wrong. I realized it for a long time that I'm not suitable for this job but I kept try and try and try to make my parents happy.

This matter made me stress above my limit. I don't know anymore what I must do. For now, I still cann't do anything about this. Sometimes, we must let it flow and relax ourself for a while. I choose to "not think" about anything now. I don't know what my real happiness and feel empty. I feel grateful with everything I had. I really am. But at the same time, I cann't smile naturally like b4. It's like my happy face was hidden somewhere inside my heart. It's a scary thing when u don't know what way of life u must choose while times still running, left u behind.

Feel that u still alive... Happiness in ur heart... Peaceful environment around u..., How can I get that? Where?.. I search something that simple but hard to get... I feel desperate.. Half of my heart keep telling me that I must be positive, optimis and keep move forward but the other side, feel so hopeless, so weak and telling me to give up every single dream that I had b4. That's like I keep fighting with my own self. Still, there is no win or lose. In the middle of my struggle, I try to focus on learn something to make my life better.

On March 18th, my bf will celebrate his birthday, I already decided that I will give my handmade~felt~biscuits as a presents. The example like this:

It's cute right?? Just like the real biscuits. So I try to make that myself. I hope I can make it like the pic *pray*.

Before that day, I have a several appointment with my friends from March 2nd - 11th. So I try to cheer up myself with that events. It's good to feel that u're not alone at all (Thank u my friends! Lov u all ♡＾▽＾♡). Ganbatte neeee!! (ง'̀☐'́)ง

:•♥• Happy Valentine's Day •♥• (‘∀’●)♡

It's Feb 14th! ♥♥♥  The day of Love for everyone, not only for the couple but for ur fam, ur best friends and of course, for a single too!! (⌒.−)＝★.

Today, I realized so many things with this valentine's event. Most of my friends and people outhere, actually think that Valentine's day only for a couple (they even display their profile pic with a silly joke that want hav a big rain on this day to make every plan fail, ckck), even at mall, they made so many events for everyone (I think that's good). They tried to make this day full of love for everyone. For me, It's a silly things to keep a way of thinking like that. Of course, I didn't talk like that just because I already had a bf but me too, ever been a single back then for a long-long time. That time, I quite traumatic with my relationship with my ex so I decided to be a single for some years and that didn't matters to me as long as I still happy & enjoy my life, :). I know we cann't be alone and want to have a "someone", our soulmates that always be there for us to through this life together. But that doesn't mean, our life is bad without "our soulmates".

(Yeah don't want to waver the main topic so back to the main topic) I mean that we can spend our valentine's day with our beloved people to make this day more beautiful & brighter! (｡◕‿◕｡). I do believe that was the real meaning for valentine's day. So don't hesitate to make a warm smile on ur face and do this :
1.  Give a big-big hug to ur parents while saying "I love both of u!"
2.  Hug ur brothers or ur sisters tightly while saying "Happy Valentine's Day!"
3.  Give a chocolate to ur best friends
4.  Show ur care to ur loved one with present, roses or chocolate (if u already hav a bf or gf)
.....and look at their expression. They will happy so much until u don't realize urself that u're smiling so bright! (❁´◡`❁). Isn't that an absolute happiness? To feel the love together, :D.

Then, remember my last post about present for my bf? I finally decided to made a handmade valentine's card for him! I'm not sure myself coz I'm not that creative if compare to my lovely sis but I did my best! Here is the result :

Front Cover

Back Cover

Inside The Card

How is it? I hope this not too bad. It's cute enough, isn't it? hehehe. I hope he likes it! It's the first time for me to made a handmade card. Usually, I did it with sewing thing. I wonder what will I give for him next year?  (⌒_⌒;)

♡* Happy Valentine's Day!!*♡

Hope Ur day filled with love!

It's the day! A beautiful & Tired day for Chinese New Year! （●´∀｀）ノ♡

Gong xi fat chai!!!  *:;,．★ ～☆・:.,;*

Yeah Today was a Chinese New Year day, (ﾉ´▽｀)ﾉ♪. Like what I said in my last post, on Feb 10th, as a chinese people we celebrate a new year / a new shio (Chinese zodiac). There are 12 chinese zodiacs and this year is a snake! As a chinese but wasn't born in China myself, I found myself not really understand about the meaning fully  (I can hear my bf said that I'm stupid （；￣д￣)). Haha enough for my  stupidness. Just skip it to the Chinese new year itself!

As usual, I woke up early this day and quickly, got ready to be pick up by my bf. I rather confused actually when I didn't see my parents at home. Actually I must greeting them first, the main family. But I got nothing beside a quiet and cold room in my house. This thing made my lovely sister got so mad to our parents coz they just went to somewhere we didn't know and they didn't tell us a single thing the day before! Weird for me that I wasn't mad. I understand why they did like that. So I just go with my bf to his fam. Really, this one made me don't like chinese tradition. I'm not~the like crowded & meet a lot of people I didn't know~type and it's hard to me to be there, between them and keep smiling without knowing what I must act. They are a stiff people (not that I prejudiced, they just...ng...like that!). I kept greeting, greeting, smiling, greeeting and smiling.... and....wew did like that for almost 5 hours! (ㄒoㄒ).  I feel like I'm a robot! Gosh... But to kept my mind positively thinking, I thought that "yeah... maybe they like that coz I'm not their fam. I'm just an outsider from their point of view...". At least, I tried so hard to not bring a shame for my bf.

Skip again until 2 pm, finally I can got home and met my parents (it turn out they went to church in the morning then mall until 1 pm). My lovely sis still mad at them that time. She childishly stayed at her room and didn't want to meet our cousins. Not that I mind coz my mind already steal away by my lovely nieces! (‘∀’●)♡. Finally I can meet them after a long-long time! At first, they got so shy and cutely hide behind their mom but after I tried playfully and keep trying to poke them [wtf! u crazy auntie! :p. Forgive me cutie, I love both of u so much until I want to hug u tightly] continuously, the older one want to talk with me, even let me hug a kiss her! (really, I'm not a lesbian. She still 3 years old, LoL). I WAS SO HAPPY and kept smiling until my cousin (her dad) said "Nah, that means u're ready to be a mother. Wir (my bf) just go married quickly". I got (@___@) and replied with my usual answer, "Sorry, I'm not ready yet". Really, for the time being, I still have so many things to do and There are some place I want to go. I already know that when I'm married that means I must to give them a grandchild then keep all of my life busy with just my fam & my children. I don't want to messed up everything by do something that I'm not ready yet myself. So for now, It's a no. Coz now, I already occupied with my fam, my work, my bf and my friends. It rarely for me to get my time alone.

Toss again that semi serious talking, haha. I don't want to fill this post with just my stressful story. After that, we decided to visit my step grandmother's house near my house and happily walked together while holding hands with my niece, kyaaa! (Love is in the air!!). We had a nice chit chat in there for a while until my cousin decided to go home before dark (He have two ~small cutely~ daughters with him so I understand). I kissed (at the cheeks of course!), high fives and kiss bye with my niece, TT___TT (unfortunately her lil sister still shy with me and I cann’t hug her). I hope I can go to their home next time and play to my heart content together. And…… I did something stupid again!. I stupidly forgot to take any pics with my nieces even we only meet once in a year! *slap myself*. I realized that when They already went home! Grrrrrr! A beautiful & Happy moments, to just end with my stupidness, (T____T). (Yeahh, I’m at fault!!! sowrrryyyyyy huu)

Yeah overall, today was a happy day (forget that 5 hours but Don't forget about angpao yeay!). As soon as I arrived at my home, I felt really tired and sleep peacefully......on the floor hahaha! Maybe if I'm a japanese I will sleep on gekkan wkwkwkwk, :p. I woke up at 20.30 pm after hear my bb kept  beep...beep... and beep. That was from my bf, my uncle, my cousin and my friends. So I back to my usual daily life, laying in front of my lappie while calling with my bf. What remain for my schedule is valentine's day. I still didn't know  what present I must give to my bf (we decided to not give each other any chocolate coz I don't like it and he still has a lot of chocolates in his refrigerator @___@).  But this decision was amusing and confusing. It's like more easier for him than me, (~___~). I want to give something special for him but I don't know what it is. At this time, I cann't make any handmade like my previous~handmade~teddy bear or scarf (it's hot in here!). I hope I will find it b4 valentine's day. Tomorrow I will find an idea while accompany my mom to get a haircut. *pray*

First post in this year!! ♪きゃっ☆（O￣▽￣O）☆きゃっ♪

Yup-yup! After a long-long time absent from blogging, finally I decided to be active again! ( o￣▽)o＜※*:'ﾟ.  I will try to make a post (even just one or two) in every week *pray*. 

Back to my work, lately, I felt a "little" uncomfortable in my new office. Not that bad until I want to quit. I just thought that I felt bored to work at this field (work field). Actually I don't like this field. I love literature & art plus "little" IT. But I gave up all of them for my mom. She suggest me to take accounting instead. I don't really mind it back then and took a full responsibility to graduate with a good grade. I did that. But "u reap what u sow". I didn't hear what myself trully want and became like this. I did my job greatly but easier to feel depressed and dissappointed when some problem appear. I realized that and became down for a while. I keep telling myself that I must not follow my mom back then. Especially when I saw my bf work to his heart content, keep smiling and feel proud with his job. He succed to achieve his goal and me, regret my decision. So now, I rethink about it once again, about what I really want to do, what I want to learn, what I want to achieve (before married of course).

Hahaha, but don't get me wrong, I don't feel sad now. I just feel like I'm in the middle of two part ways. To make it more complicated (That's life for u~ TT__TT), I still hav to handle my belief, my~under construction~house, my bf's plan to get married ((￣~￣；) ウーン), my two sisters & my fam. That's like I'm some high tech computer to use, wew (;~,~) =3. I began to forget about one or two things and depend my life on my notes. My bf keep telling me "just change ur android phone to tablet to help ur life more easier". Seriously,  I still thought that tablet won't help me until I can let go every "task" I handle myself. Just reading manga & some book plus listening music, keep me sane all the time, LoL. Maybe become a housewife not a bad idea at all, ﾟ+.･ﾟ+｡(〃・ω・〃)｡+ﾟ･.+ﾟ.  When I was younger, I confidently said that I would become a carrier woman but yeah... everything can change. Like what kind of man we like, hehehe.  Sometimes, I got so busy and cann't turn on my computer (Lj don't leave me... （─┬─ ＿ ─┬─）). I really2 cann't life without my computer.

(*・_・)ノ⌒* toss that depressed~life~talk, two days again we will celebrate Chinese New Year (for chinese people) ♪~♪ d(⌒o⌒)b♪~♪ﾗﾝﾗﾝ. So I will said it in advance (afraid cann't make any post on that day).

A new way of thinking... A new me, :')

Finally, after struggle with myself for almost 2-3 weeks ago (plus quiet & alone time with just myself and my mind), I found what's wrong with me. I realized that I always running away from it all of this time to remind myself that "I ALWAYS FINE". When everyone said "Cheer up! U can do it!", I did what they told me but I didn't solved my problem. The real problem still left behind, inside my heart and keep growing until I cann't bear it anymore. That's like I always lied to myself and that's really stupid...

I always said that we must have a "stop button" to stop for a while but in reality, I never really stop, just slowly my life a little. That's why I never feel better and when something happened, that mount of burden become higher & bigger. I become more weaker, down, sad and negative. Three days ago, this sign slapped me a little. I said a wrong word without I realized it. My lovely sis just laughed at first coz she thought that I tried to be funny. For example, I said "yeah, I'm not hungry, give me food" or "I want to go, don't want to.." (what the!?? -__-"). Actually, that's fine if that a joke. But in fact, it isn't. She realized it when I did it three times a day for three days row and asked me what's wrong with me. And I become nervous to talk with other people, In my mind I said the right words. Not only that, when I went with my bf to some mall, my mind & my eyes went blank like I didn't look at anywhere. He realized this so we went home early. He said there is something wrong with me.

So, I decided that I must find what's wrong with me. Today, I went to the church and found that the pastor gave me the answer I always asked from God. The pastor said that God gives us a problem because He loves us. He wants us to grow and become more closer to Him. I realized that all of this time, I always look this problem from my point of view as a human, an ordinary human. Not as a christian. I forget that God gives us this problem coz He wants to say something to us. To make everything more clear, I found this video : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdGNWyq8nsQ&feature=player_embedded. This Secret of Truly Happy People's video, made me understand that there is a simple way to be happy. We always seek for our own happiness but what is the meaning of happiness? We always think that we are happy when we have a high salary, achieve our goals, make an awesome achievement, have a soulmate and many more reason beside that. We always count our happiness with this when's case and trapped us with that rules of happiness. The truth is a happiness always here, beside us but we didn't realized it yet. Like what bubz said in her video that "The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything they have". We always focus on what we didn't have, not what we already had. That's why we never be happy when we have a thought like that. We never feel grateful & satisfied for everything that we already had.

Even I already know about that, I understand I won't be happy if I just know but didn't try to changed anything. That's why I try (again and again) to improve my self, make a new promise with a new heart & positive thinking, deepened my relationship with my God and combined everything with The happiness project from Gretchen Rubin. I must be naive if I say this things with solved everything. No, this won't solved anything but with my effort and time, it will for sure, :). So from tomorrow, I will try harder to do my best and feel more grateful to everything I had. Wish that I can feel my own happiness beside me everyday with a smile on my face, :).