Brighter than gem! °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

Yeah, after two weeks fighting with myself. Up & Down, Up & down again and again. It's time to up again! Don't get me wrong, Life never flat so maybe there is a time I will be down again....... BUT! Don't always focus on bad things. (It's funny, even for me, that I can be sad, negative, happy & positive at the same time ┐(￣ー￣)┌. Stupid me...). Please don't blame me if I post something sad then happy post next. That's Life. I just posting what I'm feeling that time, ԅ(≖‿≖ԅ) (blog = diary (*´∀`*)).
Back to main topic. So now, I cheer up again! and begin to hav a plan about try a new recipe. I got a lot of hobby and one of them is cooking. If I have any free time, I use it for cooking. And two (or three?) days ago, I cooked this :

Spaghetti Carbonara ala chef Matteo

That recipe was so easy! U can do it urself at ur home quickly for a "delicious but not so hard" pasta!  (｡♥‿♥｡). (U can watch this video to know the recipe http://id.she.yahoo.com/mamma-mia-resep-spaghetti-carbonara-134100045.html. Really, It's simple! I cooked it after watched his video). And because I love pasta so much, I was happy while cooking this. My lovely sis love it too! We happily ate together (❁´◡`❁)*✲ﾟ*.
So for now, I quite interested in Paella. I searched for its recipe (delicious & easy recipe, of course!) here and there and finally found it!  All that's left now is the time to cook. I hope I can spare one time to cook it (˘ʃƪ˘).
Yeah that's just a simple plan but for me, it's enough to bright my day with getting excited to gather all of the ingredients & hav a new cooking experience, ヽ(○´∀`)ﾉ♪. Beside that, a few hours ago, I read some cute quotes (plus cute drawing! U guys will like it!) at http://chibird.com/. 

That pic above, slap me a little. I used to look down like that, several days ago, and yeah what I only see just the ground. I must gather all of my courage to keep my head high & think positively! (ง •̀_•́)ง. This good friend told me "Try not to make things so confusing for yourself." (Thank's to buffywrestling (づ￣ ³￣)づ). So I try and cheer up myself. I try to focus on the positive side, not negative side. I want to make myself more brighter than before, from inside and outside (˘ʃƪ˘). Yosh!! :D

I must be grateful, right?..........

For eveything that I hav.. for everything that He gave. I must be grateful & thank to God so many times. I must be positive, not rumbling so often, not feel sad for everything that i lost. For that wasted time..... i must be happy right? Smiling, cheer up and singing all the way. That I must be...right?... So why? My heart keeps telling me there is something wrong... like my heart been tied up, tightly. Is there any "leaking"? From inside..... empty or frozen?..... i must.............. be happy...........right?

Everyone has our own limit!! ლ(ಠ益ಠლ

Wew, really, sometimes people didn't know about their own~suck~attitude! How can they made the same person mad again and again and again!???? (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻. I don't want to say it, but F*CK with them!! Is it wrong to be mad when we already got patience so many times!???? Honestly, I'm good enough not to kicked them on their ass or slap their face! But why, they keep doing it again!????
Is that why we have "angry"? Why they keep asking me and made me the one who responsible about it even that isn't my "job" from the beginning?? They keep asking to me like I'm a God who knows everything! I got my own life & time too. Arghhhhhhhhh, reallly......ヽ(#ﾟДﾟ)ﾉ┌┛. And my bf, sureeeeee he was a great~damned~clever person for always make me more angry then b4 and blame me for my attitude in the end, GREAT!!! I'm sure I want to kill him sometimes (◣_◢).

Then I realized, our world always judge someone by our "cover", our appearance, not what inside. Sorry, if this thing didn't have any connection to my grumble above. BUT, I feel hate for all of that hypocrite, sweet talker, drama queen and old rules! Why everyone feel so high to decided others life??? "u must do this... u must do that.... u must become like that..... ihh, that was stupid.... or why u like that??". Oh pleaseeeeee, did u not busy enough to always interfere in others life!???? Our God gives us a freedom to choose what we gonna take our life into. So why they keep complaining, commenting? Shit! I'm big enough to choose what I gonna do or what I want to do. I'm not a doll that always get played when u want.
I don't need anything. I just want that u go away and don't disturb my life for the rest of my life! Please. Don't add any more stress to my mind. Really, It sucks when u want a peace but what u get is a war :(

A new start! but........ ԅ(≖‿≖ԅ)

The strom in my life has passed...... Finally *sigh*. To make it short = depressed ~> Looking for a job ~> got a new job~> made a new start at my new office (꒪⌓꒪). My explanation was simple but in reality, that really really complicated. I feel relieved when they said "Okay, when u can start to work at our company?" (especially, after struggle so hard in 3 hours to decide between three choices). It started on June 10th and for the umpteenth time, I tried to adapt quickly in my job & that new environment.
There wasn't any weird things & rules but somehow, I felt terrible at first~three days. I got home with a heavy burden in heart without any reason. I don't know why... I just cry silently at my room. This is a weird feeling, isn't it? I keep asking myself, "what's wrong with me?". Even I searched about "stress symptom" on google and try to find out about how to cure stress. I really don't know what to do, what to think. I'm afraid that I am going insane. I just can pray to my God and go to the church.
Luckily, I got busy with my new responsibilty and forget about one or two problems. Like yesterday, my company made an outing event at one park. They divided us into 7 teams and gave us some games to improve our teamwork & mind. That was a fun & positive activities. I didn't think too much about my "worries". After that, I went to mall with my mom, my bf, my lovely sis & her friend. It was a nice hangout. We chit chat together & laughed happily. And voila! My day run so quickly! When we went home, everyone felt so tired and quickly go to sleep. A nice day without any cry, sadness & feeling down. (ง •̀_•́)ง
The next day (a.k.a today), I went to church at 08.30 am. At 10.00 am, I was ready to attend my friend's wedding with my friend, his gf & her friend. That trip took almost three hours until we found the right place. I met all of my ex-coworkers there and chat happily. We ate, took some photo then continue our trip with hunting some delicious snacks there. I got home at 19.00 pm with a tired & exhausted face. Really, two days full activities in a row, It's possible to get really2 tired from it, (ಥ⌣ಥ). But, actually, it's nice, tired but happy. And I got a new friend from this trip, :). She said It's nice to go with me and ask when will the next trip be,  (¬‿¬).
Overall, there wasn't any special thing, just a daily life and somehow, I thought that "maybe it's nice to get married...". Is that a sign for me to settle down finally?... Or I just feel "Yeah, there is nothing more to achieve...."?... I'm still confused but...... if God turn my way to get married, maybe I will do it... woman career or housewife? щ(ºДºщ)

Sad moment...... (╥_╥) & my regret......

Yeah, like the title above, this time is the saddest moment in this year.. My plan, my hope, my courage was disappeared just with one sentence from my bos... She said that our company will be close at the end of this month, ( p_q). Back to my last post, I got so excited about my plan, outside my main job and with this, I feel like "what the fuck with this!!???".  But more important than that, I feel like a stupid person who got lied by my boss. How can I become a stupid kid and let her fool me with her sweet promises???
Especially, when she said that, I just blank, don't say anything (don't know whether I stupid, confuse or something). MY brain denied it several times but that's the reality. It hurt so much.. So many question comes to my mind... How can I live after this?... How can I paid my lil' sister's school fee?? How to paid my fam's life expense?..Why this thing must happen to me?... I always did my best in every job that I have for my fam, my life & my dreams. But why??... World is so unfair!! (ಥ_ಥ). There is a lot of people outhere who rich and use their money everyday just for fun. And here, when someone did their best to make their life better, why must end like this?.....
Yeah, this is my fault.... My fault for being stupid and trust her promise naively. And now, she already had her new position at her new workplace, GREAT!! Even, her bestfriend got a new job directly with her link eventhough, we are THE ONE who got a promise from her. Yeah we are stupid! щ(ಠ益ಠщ). And now, she happilly set her profile pic with her smile face... I don't know what to comment anymore... Coz of her, I lost my job, quit my piano course & don't know how to face my fam, ((T.T； ). I feel so useless and don't know how to trust people anymore... I kept trying my best in everything and this is what I get (I feel like every motivator in this world laugh at me).
A few hours ago, I chat with my coworker. He & I at the same boat, He told me that he cried quietly in the bathroom so his parents didn't know about it. I really2 feel sorry for him, especially when I know his mom was being sick all of this time (for me, that was my dad). I said it's ok to cry at this time eventhough he is a man. "It's heavy for us... Me too, just cry quietly at my room so my parents didn't hear that. Why must this happen to us? We didn't do any mistake at all!", I said. Nowadays, so hard to get a job with good salary, good environment & medical allowance. I just can stare blankly at every job vacancy in front of me. I'm afraid that I will take the wrong decision again like before.... "High paid = Overload job with a lot of overtime", I don't want to lose my special time with my fam, don't want to become a robot with no feelings beside "tired, I must sleep....", don't want to make money as my God...
For now, I don't know the answer.. I just can pray and hope that this will pass....

Unexpected-Warmth Happiness! ♪♪(o*゜∇゜)o～♪♪

Lol, I don't know how to start this post. Today, my life like a roller coaster! (I hope I don't spell "roller coaster" wrong, sometimes my head got blank & missing some words here and there (⊙﹏⊙✿) ).

So, at 09:00 am, I went to work (Oh yeah, I still work on Saturday coz of my stupid boss), there wasn't any special thing beside I got mad to my coworker (Just called him A). Not because he did some mistake but I scold him coz he is my bestfriend. My stupid boss used A as much as she wants. U guys maybe think that I'm too arrogant or something by comment about this. But let me, explain everything. I never want to intervene to other's problem but this one, I got angry coz my boss's unfairness. I had another coworker called B. U can say this B person, not really discipline at work. Just because, B is my boss's friend, B can do anything he wants. Not only, B neglecting his works & comes late, B OFTEN off from work with reason "Sorry, I got drunk last night..." and with that, my boss accept that reason! (WTF!???? (●__●)). I'm sure if one of us (beside B), get off with that reason, my boss will kick or fired us for sure. Back to main problem, with B's absent, his job was delegated all to my friend, A. At first, I just "Ok, helping it's ok if this for our company" but after several times, I just "Hold on a second! Why did u do all of his job when he didn't even hav any reasonable reason to be off? U hav ur own job to do". I didn't tell A to be bad but to be logic. That's why we hav a job desk, right? So we can do our responsibility properly. I know we always try to be a good person but not to be used like this. There is no wrong with helping but this unfairness is a no-no. Fortunately, A understood what I mean and said will talk to our boss if "her unfairness" comes again. Ahh such a bad boss, really.....

Never mind, continue to 13:00 pm, I was happy to spend my time with my lovely sis & A ♪(´ε｀ ) (with this u will know why I said roller coaster). I asked A to go with me. We chat together while having our delicious lunch, went to pet shop and smile widely while looking at that cute hamster, bunny, doggie & kitten and had snack (*゜▽゜ノノ゛☆. That happy time made me forget all of the bad things in the morning! XD. After that, we met our friend & his gf while my lovely sis got home. We had this quick meeting to talk about & do our side job. Quite took my time, especially with my bf kept contact me to know what time I got home (I got another appointment for today). So I quickly did everything and finished it at 16:00 pm. I got ready at home then accompany my bf for the rest of this day until 21:00 pm.

Then, that unexpected & warmth happiness comes! °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°. Begin with my simple thought about cook for my sisters, ended with a big laughter & smile,  (｡♥‿♥｡). I cooked a simple~homemade shabu-shabu and asked my fam to eat together. Simple isn't it? Everyday we got busy with our own activities and only meet at night for a few minutes then go to sleep. So I thought there is nothing wrong with this simple plan. And that's what I got, we chat and laughed happily while eating this delicious shabu-shabu.

Stupid me for didn't took a photo earlier, T___T. This is my bowl...

I was grateful, really-really grateful for this little but happy things. Everyone always seek for happiness but if we don't feel grateful for what we already have, we won't find any happiness itself. Don't get me wrong, problems still comes to my life but this happy time, enough to fill my heart and my strength so I can through this life more stronger. Importantly, I thank's to my God for let this happen, (・∀・). And now, It's time to sleep. Tomorrow, I have a full day seminar to attend. I will do my best for my & my fam's happiness! (ง •̀_•́)ง. 

Suddenly, job changed for side job!!?? Σ(ﾟﾛﾟ｣)｣

Hahaha, Finally I have time again to sit & make a post! (Silly, why u start this posting with laugh!? ヽ(#ﾟДﾟ)ﾉ┌┛Σ(ノ´Д`)ノ ). Life has been hectic! That sounds like a pathetic excuse, I know. But that was the reality (T⌓T). Andddddd, last but not least, I spent one week full to watch Keroro gunso, ԅ(≖‿≖ԅ). I fall in love with that green~cute~little frog, ♥～(‘▽^人).

Enough about that, I will talk about keroro nonstop until 5 pages long if I didn't stop now, (even now, keroro still running on my desktop, (*≧▽≦)ﾉｼ)). Like what I said above, somehow I had a side job from now and coz of one and another, I get this job changed (or addition?). Not that I mind, actually I like it coz It was one of my hobbies, XD. I realized that I don't have any basic about computer but I do hav a lot of experience. So I tried to do it and voila! (thanx to God) after several trial and error process, I made it successfully! °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°. It's not a big deal but I feel happy and refresh after did it. All of this time, I did my job properly but didn't feel satisfied, happy and proud in the end.

After this, I hav a lot of job to do, most of them isn't my speciality but I'm so excited to do it! XD. I hope this little change, can help me to find the best job for me, (˘ʃƪ˘).